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Deviousness |
John Mellencamp Small Town Lyrics:
Educated in a small town
Taught to fear Jesus in a small town
Used to daydream in that small town
Another born romantic that's me
Taught to fear Jesus in a small town?
Sounds right to me.
Anyway, in December of '04 (just over a month after we lost dad) I was not in a good head space. Fourteen is a rough age to begin with, throw in loosing dad and me coming to realize I may be gay, just made it all the worse. So that December I decided I'd look for answers to help me sort things out, and of course, even though I was beginning to question it, I figured re-shoring my faith in my religion was the best thing to do. With Christmas coming up I thought it was a good time to start to actually read the Bible.
Guess what...
That only made things worse. Much worse. I didn't find answers, I found utter disgust. Horrific stories of children being brutally murdered, so much rape and incest, death and destruction... I literally said out loud, "This is the shit they want me to believe?" I was pissed. So rather than helping me, it did more harm than good. Not only was I fourteen and dealing with puberty, dad being gone forever, me coming to grips with being gay, to top it off, I didn't have my beliefs in god to help get me through it all. There was no way in "hell" was I going to follow the teachings of that grotesque work of literature. In my eyes, this "god" was a monster.
So, I had to cope with all this shit the best way I could... shut myself off from everyone and retreated into dark, violent video games. Had a particular love for the Resident Evil's. It wasn't until I was about to turn 16 that things finally started getting better. Found me a boyfriend who dragged me back into the world and though, not having dad still hurts, I wouldn't give up what I have now for anything.
The irony of all this still amazes me. EVERYTHING the church teaches failed miserably at getting my life back in order. Everything the church teaches AGAINST has made me a much happier and a much better person. Sorry for going on and on like this but, for me, the Bible and religion did more harm than good. The more I learn, the more I realize I am by no means, NOT the only one either. Just makes me wonder how much better the world would be if more people realized this about their own lives...
May you find peace and happiness in your life
I converted to atheism around the same time you did, mainly because I questioned what God's criteria of blessing people was. I realized that if something goes wrong, the only thing you can do is hope that God chooses me to be saved. Hope that God has time for you. Hope that you are of any significance to God. I abandoned the imaginary asshole and seeked things and people that actually committed deeds, such as charity and science. It still amazes me that humans have warp-drives and have been to the moon, yet a majority of them are still afraid of a mythical entity doing something such as kill them with bears. Their "loving" God has destroyed and killed more people than given them so much as a hint of minor success. Is this the God they believe in?
When the fuck did this happen? Where have I been!?